In her post Happy-sad, Carol writes of the strange realization that life has become some semblance of ordinary again, five years after the stillbirth of her daughter Charlotte. She speaks of occupying her skin, of a moment of lone reflection without feeling drowned in memory, of feeling peaceful as mother to the two children at her side.

Four years later, I am here in a much more comfortable place, a place where I admit that yes, I am grieving, but I am also human: and sometimes, it feels nice to go first.

To eat when I am hungry, to think for a few minutes without first thinking about somebody else. To be out in the hot, night air, and to walk slowly, and to not worry about whether I was moving too fast, or too slowly, or if there was going to be traffic on the way home. ... and try to make me hold my chin up like a normal person, not like a grieving, slightly manic babylost mama who is pretty sure she is broken and her two living children are some sort of fluke.