My son AND husband really want us to try again...my son is so devasted by the loss and really LOVES babies...he is so emotional.
Dh keeps watching me to see if I am ready.
I think I am really just afraid of the fear...of putting myself through all that anxiety.
I have a specialist who will be with me from the start if I do try again...but again the though of billions of trips to the doctors and specialists makes me very uncomfortable.

Dh also worries about me getting older.

Too much....

When you envision your family life, crunchy, what do you see?

You'll always have the fear. The pregnancy will SUCK even if it's the best pregnancy in the world because you will be afraid. But if you see yourself having more than your son in the future.. maybe now is the time to push through the fear. We'll all be here every step of the way. Good luck to you and whatever you decide.

From what I understand, pregnancy after a loss is an entirely different animal from normal pregnancy. Your eyes have been opened -- you know the worst that can happen, and that it DOES happen. And from hanging out with other babyloss mamas, you come to learn all the other ways you could possibly lose a baby. Fortunately, the Internet also makes it possible to connect with other loss mothers going through subsequent pregnancies. I know of two really great books on this subject that I can recommend to you: "Trying Again" by Ann Douglas & John Sussman, and "Pregnancy After a Loss" by Carol Cirulli Lanham. Best of luck!!

Hugs to you, Crunchy Carpets. And I can second the first book that loribeth recommended. And yes, like she said, totally different animal. Take you time to get ready, because it is going to be so demanding in every sense. Gather your support. You sound a bit pressured, please know that it is your body and heart and mind going to take and go through a lot, so you do have the final call. Best of luck!!

Thanks you guys..
I think part of it is..while yes...I still want another child...I really do...

I question my motives more for one thing.
Is something missing in me? Is it a baby or a kid that I want?

I am also feeling in a good head space right now...I suppose I am feeling selfish about spoiling that with anxiety and worry.

I also felt SOOO horrid mentally and physically during my 26 weeks with Scott, that I dread feeling that miserable again.

I feel that I must as you guys said..prepare for this like a marathon.

Oh and I am so glad you guys set up this site..it is beautiful and you are all beautiful.

Thank you.

this is actually what my next post is about...both after the loss of our first, and after a first trimester m/c last fall, we've jumped in again within five months. for me, it has been a way of foreclosing at least one aspect of the grief involved both times...the "what if i never have kids to raise/have a sibling for O to grow up with?" it does little to assuage the rest of the grief, but it at least helps me feel like i'm making potential progress on that one front. pregnancy after is hard, for sure...and with two pregnancies close together it tends to feel a bit like you've been pregnant forever...but for me, both times, i've just felt this need to get started, to try. not to make things right, because it won't, but to have something to look forward to in the midst of abiding with all my sadness.

i wish you the best making this decision.

I felt very, very similarly to you, Crunchy. However, I feel like I have waited too long. Someone on my blog said, "Wow, I didn't know you lost your son 5 years ago. I thought from the way you wrote it would have only been a couple of years.".

Now, I don't doubt that I would still be hurting over Matthew dying, but I think a lot of scar tissue in my heart would be less if I had another baby. If I could go back in time? I would have tried again sooner. I think some of the pain our family has gone through could have be eased.

I am hoping to try again in the next year. It's been five and I am still scared to death.

We are just getting to the point where we can talk about the *idea* of trying again, and have been wondering how people make that decision, how they get to the place where they are ready to face the challenge of pregnancy after such a loss.

I wish you luck with your decision-making.