please say hello to the snakes on my head
On meeting her for the first time I later wrote She could have been unicycling around her living room juggling flaming bowling pins and I would have been instantly soothed just to be in her company.
This was Bon, the one who's been where I have been. The one who was able to look me straight in the eyes and simply be with it, not recoiling, as I can do for her. Both our skins branded, still hissing with absence and longing and the macabre.
I've never felt quite so understood.
It was Bon who christened me and all of us medusa: the namesake for how isolating it feels to be the mother of a baby that’s died, for how you see the world after this loss, and for how the world sees you.
The six of us have gathered together to make a space that’s about more than individual catastrophe. We hope that company on this road may diffuse some of the demons, mamas ahead shining some light from further along the gauntlet. Proof that some reasonable facsimile of peace is an inchworm with a way of gaining ground.
Welcome. We’re honoured that you’re here.
Over the next few weeks we’ll be adding articles to the library and featuring interviews, links, reflections and more of everything just about every day. Read about why we’re glowing in the woods. Subscribe. Share your friends: us with them, and them with us. Tell us about your babies. Tell us what else you'd like to see, what's helped and hindered you.
Or just say hello, won’t you?
love, the medusas
kate
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Reader Comments (27)
What a perfectly wonderful idea. I'm sure you'll guide many.
Thank you for sharing your lives and making me feel a part of your "family". We are quickly coming up on 6 year birthday (May 27) and then 10 days later his "angel" day (June 6). I love the title of this blog - W's ashes are in a cemetary located in a lovely forest on Vancouver's North Shore and each time I visit him I do feel a glow in the woods.
Bonnie, we too lost our first born son. We have had two more little boys - healthy, happy, rambunctious ones, and have also experienced a loss of another baby during pregnancy. And Kate, I have been reading your blog regularly and know May 5 is looming large for you...take it easy on yourself. I'm not about to suggest ways to "make it easier", because there really aren't any, but the love and support of your family and friends will get you through.
I give big hugs to all of you. Our babies were real, they were loved and wanted and cherished and they will not be forgotten. Thank you.
thank you for this.
Linked. And waiting breathlessly for more.
Lovely, ladies. Just lovely.
Oh Kate, What you 6 are doing here is selfless and wonderful. Laying bare your souls. Catharsis at it's finest. I am glad for you that you've found a place to be comfortable. A place to let your snakes loose. We all need that.
dear kate,
i have read and watched you through your journey and it warms my heart to find you here. empowered.
there is a giant spot in my heart for you and your family. happy birth "glow in the woods"!!! this moment is huge, as this little slice of cyberspace will bring such comfort to so many. carry on!
love, lindsay
feeling your warmth from way over here.
happy birth to a much-needed space for so many mamas. a space for their babies to shine through, to be remembered, to simply be known.
with love.
xoxo
hello, ladies. i'm so glad you're doing this.
xoxo
Oh my. I've gone from reading one fiercely brave and honest blogger to six.
May the ripples from what you have created here travel far and help many.
grace and strength to you and all who come here
Marianne's words sum up my thoughts. Not much to add, but this thought, which has been running through my head for months now: Kate, why aren't you published?
How brave and wonderful for you all to do this. Incredible.
Hi ladies -- some of you I "know," some of you I don't, but I already feel kinship to you all! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your words & your memories with us.
wonderful idea, thanks for lighting the path. ~luna
having just exited my own april mourn, the month i said good-bye to my sons, the month i wrote it all out in poetry yet again and emerged into may feeling somewhat changed again, i smiled when i read that the six of you have found each other and built a place for you to express. how wonderful and empowering. xo
Through this site, I am sure you will help so many. I am also very certain you already have.
Where is the woman who lost a child and then had no other? Did I miss her? I went home without a child, she died in our arms and now after 4 mores years of infertility treatment there will be no other. I can tell you, losing our child was devastating. The following 4 years of failed cycles I barely survived. You do not know how bad it can be.
Hello ladies - you are amazing!
I can't wait to spend some time reading, crying and enjoying the new site...THANK YOU to all of you for dedicating the time and energy it takes to allow the rest of us to have a place to go and be understood.
The site is beautiful and the support you're giving is priceless. Thank you for creating this space.
cry me a river - niobe and I spoke of this a few days before the launch, and it's already in motion to represent you - this is our most important priority now that we've got the mechanics of the site launch taken care of. My heart to you, and please stick around - you will see your experience echoed here, too, I promise.
Kate et. al. - This is a wonderful place, and I applaud you all for courageously sharing yourselves here so others in this place can lean in, and lean on. We never know if grief like this might befall upon us, so I continue to learn from every word you all write and it makes me think, pause, and breathe.
In 2002, I became part of an amazing group of women online who were struggling with infertility. I, being just a novice to the entire topic of babies and not even trying yet myself, became the group's 'cheerleader' of sorts. I was given this nickname, as silly as it sounds, but I grew to love these gals andrespected more than anything what plight they were enduring. I hope to do that here, too. So I give you my nickname on this site, an avid supporter of you guys and all others, (though most of you know my comments as 'Jo' on your personal blogs).
Cheers to each of you for this effort. I hope it has helped heal your hearts even just a sliver, to know you have friends who 'know.' XO
I hope this goes to all of you beautiful authors. I have been so incredibly moved over the last year while reading each individual blog.
Today I find such brillant peace and light in reading all of these entries. I think it is accounted for not only by the incredible stories themselves but the additional magic of you all coming together and offering this to the rest of us. Thank you!
what a beautiful home for mothers like us. i lost a baby girl at birth, and have since had 2 subsequent children.
it seems at times that the only time you can really be your full and true self is with other women like us who have been through it.
this site is a gift, and the loving energy that flows from it is healing. thank you all, and bless all of our sweet forever-babies.
Why, hello.
cry me a river, we are here too, reading along. look around, and you will find us. ~luna
Thank you for coming to my blog and invited 'round me to yours, Bon and Sweetsalty Kate. I have just scanned the first page and will be back as soon as I can - my husband and I are heading home to Vancouver this aft, til Wednesday.
I am so glad you found me, and invited me. I feel like I am among kindred spirits.
We lost Henry (Hank) when I was 7 months and 1 week pregnant, 6 weeks ago. He was due to come into the world on June 8th, a date that looms large in front of me. I have a feeling I'll be spending a lot of time on here in the days and weeks to come.
Love,
Tamara Straight Poop
It occurs to me that my deep desire not to be one of those people that makes you feel like there are snakes on your head is another reason I stay. That is not right. Your children's names should be spoken in "polite company" and there should be no stigma. And there's no changing the world without changing me. So I'm here to smile and shed tears and say their names with you.