holding onto hope
jen, swirly, andrea, canon digital rebel xti
There are many morsels of my friendships that I hold dear to my heart. One of them that is so very special to me is something I have learned from the amazing women in my life.
On the days when the sadness feels overwhelming and I struggle to hold onto those positive, manifesting thoughts, I hear them say..."release that pressure to be positive all the time. give it to us. let us hold onto the hope you need so that you can rest your head and feel whatever it is you feel in this moment."
I am grateful for this gift. Grateful that it teaches me how to be a better friend to them when they lose hope. It teaches me to be more gentle with myself. I have so much faith in the power of loved ones in my life holding onto a dream for me during those moments when it feels too heavy or out of reach.
I have this vision of them circling me, cupping my hope in their hands, leaping, dancing and lifting it to the sky and when I am ready, they gently hand it back to me.
...and it somehow feels lighter and closer and real again.
Today's bonus post is contributed by another sort of sister--the gorgeous Boho Girl, who glows for those who live through infertility, who face a test of endurance in the journey towards motherhood. She is a breathtaking photographer and a warm spirit, and we borrow her image, words and hope with thanks.
guestauthor | Thursday, June 5, 2008
Reader Comments (9)
Mine seem so far away sometimes. Even the lifelong treasure with all my heart friends are busy with their jobs, with their kids, with their life. They want to be there, but without having experienced it themselves, there is, understandably, only so much they can do. I think that's why I like it here, it is so refreshing to have someone know that place where I am coming from. My dearest friends, in their best-intentioned ways, often ask, "How are you doing today?" And though I say good, or even just okay, through no fault of their own, they know not what i mean.
I hear you Debbie, I've felt the same way, that isolation. But what I'll add is this: sometimes I feel as though friends will never *really* know what this is like - but as long as they hold my hand, and listen, does it matter? Do friends need to have intimate, first-hand experience of babyloss, or infertility, or any other trauma, in order to simply be there for us?
Part of the reason I found Boho Girl's post so evocative is that it reminds me that friendship takes work on both sides, and that's it's work that is worthwhile. They need to understand us, but we also need to understand how bewildering it must be sometimes for them to stand beside us. It takes guts for them to try, to risk saying the wrong thing - and I admire my friends so much for the effort. And in return it's up to me to help them understand what I need. Not always easy, but necessary. Just food for thought.
These days, the companionship of women is just so important to me, more than it ever has been. Thanks, boho, for putting this into words.
I appreciate that Kate, I honestly hadn't thought about it from their perspective. How interesting.
Many, many years ago, when I was young and dumb (or at least younger and dumber), I believed in friendship with all my heart. Now? Not so much.
But I admire and envy those who've held fast to that belief and for whom friendship remains a haven, a shelter, a resting place.
Oh, and just to be clear: my feelings have nothing whatsoever to do with the dead babies. Though I almost wish they did.
So many of my friends have tried so very hard to bridge the gap that exists between us now. It seems the only effort I seem to want to make, most days, is to make that gap larger - because they can't understand, and I, in a way, am resentful of this. At some point, I know, I have to let it go. It's not their fault that this happened to me. It is not fair that I not give them a chance to try. Many of them are trying so very hard. At some point, I know, I need to try back.
I have a few of these friends too. I'd be under a bus without them.
I've gotten very very close to a couple of friends. I've drifted from others. But those close friends? I treasure them. For standing by me in my darkest times, for holding me up. I don't know where I'd be without them.
i read boho's blog when ever she posts because she evokes such full emotions and writes so honestly. i remember that post and how it made me long for those women to hold hands with and learn to fly. a good reminder we have to work on friendship if we want it.