Echo
/a missing piece of our family
gone for so much longer than he was here
just an echo
and my biggest what-if
I miss the ten days I felt like a mom. I miss people calling me mom, mama, mommy when they spoke to me about him. I am still his mommy but does the world see that?
Read MoreI had so many years of waiting and longing for exactly this life: The two children, the big farmhouse in the country. Space to breathe and walk, more trees than people, peace. They say, don’t move too soon after a tragedy, like leaving is the same as giving up, but all I wanted from the day I lost him, if I couldn’t have him back, was to run away.
Read MoreI should be better at letting go. I’m not. I should scatter her ashes, dive into a wave and there, beneath the surface of the water, release her. Free her from the prison of my anger and resentment. Free her from the agony and tangible sadness that engulfs my soul, release her before it’s too late before I too fade to dust, and she’s left in a box in someone’s bottom drawer or an attic, forgotten. The child that should have been.
Read MoreBereaved parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion, and the other side of getting through this mess called grief.
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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
: for one and all
: ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss
: not ttc | infertility after loss
: parenting after loss
: on the bookshelf
: how to stop lactation when there is no baby
: how to help a friend through babyloss
: how to plan a baby's funeral
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