In a departure from my usual style for Glow in the Woods I have written and recorded a poem. You can hear me read it here:


Do I sound sad?

Can you hear it in me?

When I utter banalities

Or common courtesies

About inclement weather

Or paying bills, or other

Everyday utilities

Is that all I’m saying to you?


Or do your ears twitch at

A catch, a crack

A different quality

So “Tea or Coffee?”

Comes with neither milk nor sugar

But rather a side of

“Your choice doesn’t matter to me because neither will bring my dead baby back to life”

Or when I ask

For someone to email me some


Does my reply seem to be

In some kind

Of dolorous code

Thanking them for

Distracting me

From my melancholy?

Or when I say

“A return ticket to the city please”

Perhaps you’d be aware of the silent addendum

“Not that she’ll ever return to me… because she’s DEAD”

(These are all thoughts I’ve had by the way

So please laugh at me and

My ability to



And generally


The grief-pudding-of-my-eternal-sense-of loss

Some things deserve derision

Occasionally. Maybe.)




Four years out

My subtext

Has truly



I no longer

Shout my pain

In every word

I even talk about

Sad things

With an air of

Warm reassurance


Then I eavesdrop on myself


A fragment

Of my voice

On someone else’s

Answer phone

Or notice something

Alien in my

Sister’s tone

That used to be so

Similar to my own

But now seems

Less familiar.


And I hear it plainly.


The sound

Of ancient


Rasped across

My vocal chords

And I wonder

How it’s possible

That people can

Hear me speak

And not weep?

How anyone can

Ever answer me

Without their own

Remembered grief

Bursting out

Until we are all wailing

At the sky

Sorrow’s choir

Swelling loud

Out out up

Wildly shaking the world

Hurling us about

So we’ll never

Forget her or anyone!

Lost names thunder

Against the horizon

And burst the

Eardrums of the lucky ones

Windows shatter

The plates of the earth

Shift and grate

Teeth rattle

Trees are wrenched

From the soil

Violent noises

Siren voices

All around


Until it seems

The ground would yield up

Her dead.


Is that how I sound?

Is that how I sound?

Or am I only sad in silence now.


Do you have a grief radar? Can you hear it or see it in other people? Do you think they feel it in you?