These questions remain, hanging: Where would he have sat at Thanksgiving? What costume would he have worn for his first Halloween? (a ghost, he was going to be a ghost, just as his sister was her first Halloween). Who would he have become?
Read MoreThose who have been gripped by the cold hand of grief are facing each day with compassion and resilience. They are focusing on the little things, on the things they can control, doing their best to wring any joy they can out of these strange days in history, and giving themselves grace on those inevitable days when they simply cannot.
Read Morei breathe into the sound of baby birds
calling for their mother
and i am reminded that you never will
but for the first time in many months
i can relax into the smiling sun
and my lips pulse warmly
from the kissing of your grave
It’s late afternoon, Mother’s Day 2020, my ninth Mother’s Day without Anja. We walk across campus, keeping 2 metres distance between us and other families, this strange new normal we’ve already learned to accept. The children stop to climb a tree. I stoop down. A smooth round pebble nestled in a patch of bulbous brown mushrooms has caught my eye. I pick it up, rub it clean, pocket it. A keeper.
Read MoreYou may not be here physically to celebrate with me, but I promise to carry your heart in mine forever and ever. You have shown me how powerful a mother’s love truly is and that is a gift I will cherish for a lifetime.
Love,
Mommy
I will continue to avoid the bad news as much as possible, enjoy the extra time with my little family as best I can, and keep trying to remember how to breathe. Unlike losing my son, there are a lot of people feeling the same sadness and fear right now. And for those of us who share losing a child, we share the same post-traumatic stress that this worldwide fear inspires.
Read MoreBereaved parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion, and the other side of getting through this mess called grief.
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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
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: parenting after loss
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: how to plan a baby's funeral
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