Child(ren). Child(ren)? No, no (ren). No Ren. Just the one child and no (ren). Just my son M and no Ren. I can’t figure out what I’m checking a box for. I authorize payment for my child but not for my Ren. He’s not here. He died. That means his body does not work anymore. I still can’t make sense of it. What a strange combination of symbols and letters. My Ren, my sweet boy, just an echo between parentheses.
A lifetime of love — more more more — not of a living body, but of one beyond the physical — love felt in the network of cells that remember and ache — rocks gathered on the shore — reciting these poems — simply saying the name, Charles Wallace, and I love you — it's catching that baby up too.
Read MoreYou’re remembering, you’re feeling, you’re disappearing, you’re thinking, you’re learning, you’re listening, you’re trying, you’re struggling, you’re growing, you’re loving, you’re crying, you're holding, you're living.
Read Moreit’s so much easier to be broken
than to sit around waiting and waiting and waiting
to break
Read MoreOn one side of my heart, a deep well of love, admiration, awe, and gratitude for every being that gets to exist. How is it that anyone gets to make it out into the world alive? What an absolute miracle each life is. And then there is the other side of my heart - an ever-tunneling density of love packed into a black hole that will never be fully received.
Read MoreBereaved parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion, and the other side of getting through this mess called grief.
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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
: for one and all
: ttc | pregnancy | birth after loss
: not ttc | infertility after loss
: parenting after loss
: on the bookshelf
: how to stop lactation when there is no baby
: how to help a friend through babyloss
: how to plan a baby's funeral
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