holding on

A woman sits on a bench in an large room with white walls, a white floor, and a white ceiling.

Source

i know where the air is
but i can’t seem to swallow

it is not like an herd of elephants
it is more like a reruns of Roseanne
crackling constantly in the background of my brain
in the backwash of my mouth

and i’m not hungry
but my stomach aches for something
maybe it is food
but it also feels like the sensation
of a mouse far inside
scratching to get out

so i eat but it is paper
and my body does not know me —

i cut up fruit
and put turkey in between two pieces of bread
and move clothes from one side of the house to another
dirty, clean, dirty, clean

the pressure builds as i put the dishes in the dishwasher
and push the cart up and down the grocery aisle

i just can’t believe the damn hasn’t broken yet –
by the pressure within my skull and chest, it won’t be long

God, i hope it won’t be long

it’s so much easier to be broken
than to sit around waiting and waiting and waiting

to break 

 

What do you do while you wait to break?