On loss and love, again and again
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You were like a flower
not yet unfurled
remarkable in all your promise
tender in all your delicacy
You were like a dream
I awoke from
too early
Rubble
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Block by block these 6 million minutes have piled up around me. Some I have deliberately moved and sorted and arranged, compiling them into something I can live with and in, a story I can tell about what happened to us and how we carried on. Some blocks stay strewn around, rubble, minutes I could do nothing with or in but cry and rage, when there was no sense to be made.
Read MoreAutumn and her many moods
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she was never staying long in this world –
it’s a kind of truth that only your bones can understand
but this brittle autumn air always chokes me with its taunting anticipation
What blooms in darkness
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“Dear Felix,” I start my journal entries now, channeling my son through his two sweet syllables. I feed and water our relationship with words, not wanting to miss what blooms in darkness. I beckon him close, close, closer still.
Read MoreLike a ship
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We spent months carefully curating a birth playlist, each song imbued with meaning, hopes, future plans communicated through song. Each one was a specially chosen message to my baby, my way of expressing my visions of our love. They were mostly joyful songs about the promise of a life about to unfold, as I anticipated seeing the world anew through her eyes. Music was a way to express a feeling that transcended words.
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