she died not so long ago
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my body knows
it quivers into december,
as warm wreaths brighten up lampposts
set against skies rich with winter coming
What blooms in darkness
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“Dear Felix,” I start my journal entries now, channeling my son through his two sweet syllables. I feed and water our relationship with words, not wanting to miss what blooms in darkness. I beckon him close, close, closer still.
Read MoreThe time machine fantasy
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I have a recurring daydream. The details and logistics vary but the core fantasy is the same: time travel exists. Sometimes it’s a new scientific discovery like a time machine that people can opt to use within set parameters. Sometimes it’s a secret ability that only I access for some mysterious reason like in Back to the Future. Always my goal is to prevent my daughter’s death.
Read MorePartners: a kitchen table post
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Kitchen table posts are ones where each of the regular writers at Glow in the Woods answers a series of questions on a particular topic. The topic of grief and partners pops up a lot in our brainstorming for these posts but feels underrepresented to us in babyloss-focused spaces. In this post, we reflect on our own experiences grieving with or alongside partners and in relationships.
Read MoreMissed kindergarten
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a backpack is full of hope and adventure
and discovery of who that precious child will become
in this strange formidable world that all children are called to conquer
Absent presence
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I used to worry about the days somewhere far in the future when I might not think of her every hour, or even every day. I used to think that when those days arrived it would mean I had failed her, had forgotten her, had left her trapped in some kind of terrible limbo, neglected, lost for real. It’s not like that, though, and I wish I could’ve known that all those years ago. Someone probably told me. I know I didn’t believe them.
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